Most 19 year old’s are enjoying the world, exploring, and generally trying to figure out what they are going to do with their life. Most don’t expect to find out a week after a very enjoyable Christmas with their family that they are pregnant, but hey sometimes life throws you curve balls and sometimes the unexpected happens.
In the last couple of days of December 2019, I don’t remember what day exactly, I took a pregnancy test. My period was late, like a week late, but I have a very irregular cycle so I wasn’t really concerned about it and the only reason I was taking the test to begin with was because I had joked with my boyfriend, Kurtis, about the possibility and he decided it couldn’t hurt.
I remember staring at the stick sitting on the counter and watching it load with the little blinking dots that the digital ones have and I was laughing because it felt so silly to be taking a test, there was, as I kept telling myself, no way. I only felt sick because my period was due to start any day now and I always felt sick and tired, not to mention the holiday could very well be causing the delay in its appearance due to stress, but two minutes later I found myself staring at the word yes.
It was not how I imagined my first pregnancy to go, I thought I would be happy when I found out I was pregnant, but no. I was horrified and thoughts of everyone’s disappointment flooded my mind and the most prevalent thought being, I can not do this.
There is no way to accurately put into words what was going on in my mind, I can only recall bits and pieces because it was just so much to take in. An unexpected and unplanned pregnancy can be so much to deal with, even if I had been in the best situation to handle it, there are simply no words.
Luckily no words were necessary to relay the information to Kurtis, he knew by the look on my face that I was pregnant, we were parents at 19 and 21, we were parents! We had barely any money between the two of us, I was still living at home, and I was in college, but here we were expecting a baby.
It terrified me and I didn’t know how to tell people. How does one share that news? “Hey I know I’m not married, dating a guy that some don’t approve of, and still can’t afford a roof over my head, but on the bright side I’m pregnant!” Definitely not how I told people.
To set the scene a little bit, I am the third child out of nine in a homeschooled Catholic family and I met Kurtis while teaching in a bible school program. I had known him only a year and half, and we had only been dating for a year at best. So telling my family was a daunting task.
I will spare you those details because if I am being honest most of them took it very well, like true Christians they were forgiving, loving, and caring. More so they were excited by the prospect of a new baby in the house. I did not have to fear having a place to stay or that my child would be loved.
This was the beginning of my getting to know Amos. I had no idea at the time that he was even a boy or that I would name him Amos John. I only knew that I was faced with the terrifying task of raising a tiny human and bringing him into the world.
There were many times I thought, well I might miscarry, but I was afraid of that. I didn’t want to lose my baby, because despite being so scared of being a mother so young, I loved my baby. It was really hard and I don’t think I will ever go through something quite as emotionally draining and terrifying again, but where I am today I would not change a thing.
It wasn’t to long before Kurtis and I were excited for our little one to be born, we were excited to be parents, and we were so excited for the future of raising him and getting to be present in his life. At eight weeks we did get an ultrasound of the baby and I got to hear his little heart beat which made me cry. He was so tiny and difficult to get a good picture of because he liked to wiggle around, something he still does today.
If you are ever trying to decide how to handle your unplanned pregnancy I highly recommend an ultrasound, it just changes things. I was still scared and there was still a lot to figure out but hearing that heart beat and seeing him wiggle around helped me. Also nothing made me happier than showing people my little peanut
